Today I think of you Grandma... I miss you...

I just sat down and added a recipe to my blog meant more for food. Feel free to check it out and mark it and enjoy recipes as it grows. Calico Britches and Dusty Cupboards is the name of that blog.

I am not sure why mind started to wander once again. Well sure I do... that is just how my brain works. It wanders from one thing to another. There was no particular smell, no song playing, nothing that would make me drift in my daydreams into my childhood... but there I sat, once again with my Grandma Winnie.

My Grandma was one of those ladies you could be near and you knew if she loved you just by the way she treated you. At times it was very difficult to be near her as all she talked about was God... SERIOUSLY... God was always on her mind. She would let everyone know she was a follower, and what she didn't realize is everyone would have realized she was a follower simply by the way she treated others. Not a mean or harsh word out of her mouth about ANYONE. Never... as long as she walked this earth, did I hear her talk poorly about anyone. I try to do the same thing... I try really hard. Yet, someone can get on my nerves or hurt me and make me upset, and I may hold a grudge for awhile. I may ignore them. I may not be as kind to them. But, that is so far from what my grandma did.

She was satisfied with the simpler things in life. She lived in a double wide trailer on some land that was about 100 yards away from a house she lived in at one point. That is where her son lived then. It gets very confusing at that point... as my life was confusing. That man was supposedly my biological father, yet he was not. He was my older brother's father, yet not mine. I did not find this out until about a month before I graduated high school when my biological father did seek me out. (Not a good thing). So, my Grandma Winnie and Grandpa Bill were not really my biological grandparents. They knew it that whole time... yet, not one time did they tell me. Not one time did they treat me poorly or turn their back on me. I am so appreciative of that love. That love is true and precious and the kind of action true love is meant to be.

I sit and write this, tears roll down my face. I know they loved me. There were not questioning that ever. Not even after I found out about my biological father, or was raised by my dad (step dad). They loved me unconditionally. Just as my kids love me unconditionally. It is a good and comforting love, like crawling under a quilt on a stormy Oregon night... that kind of comforting.

I remember her teaching me bible stories as I was young. I remember eating raspberries and cream with her one summer. I remember being at their 25th wedding anniversary and having a broken arm and everyone signing a cast. I remember one night spending the night at her house. I would sleep with her in one bed and my brother would sleep with my grandpa in another. I remember her hugging me, and I could not have been five yet as I wasn't in school. I started crying, and when she asked me, I told her that someday her and grandpa were going to die and I would miss them so much. She comforted me and told me there was a long time left to enjoy time together. Those words now sting me. We did have more days... lots... yet... not enough. Are there ever enough days to love the ones that love us? I think not.

What made me think of Grandma today? Is it that I went to yard sales today? She loved yard sales. Is it that I was working on my blog of cooking today? It might be as my grandma was the absolute worse cook ever. When I was a teen and an adult and I would see her and cook, she would always tell me she sure wished she could cook like me. When I say she was a bad cook, I am not pulling your leg... believe me. Am I thinking of her because Bella's first birthday is approaching and I am trying to plan her party? I want her to fell my love as much as I felt her love... like that comforting quilt on a rainy night. Or.... could it be... she is such a special part of my fond memories that I can't help but think of her?

I could go on and on...

How she let me go to the window and watch my grandpa try to trap a porcupine in the yard so it wouldn't get to their dogs.

How she used to play her tambourine while listening to her Praise songs on a cassette. NO... I AN NOT KIDDING.

She bought me a pair of pillow cases for my wedding. She was a little random at times. BUT... I still have them.

I miss you Ms. Winnie.... My Grandma....